I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
