Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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