just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
