Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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