No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
