I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
