Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
