Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Your cock deserves a montage
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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