I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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