Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
