Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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