just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize