i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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