I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
