I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he thought i was a dude.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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