Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
