I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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