what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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