shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize