I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just had sex bonerless
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
