Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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