we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
