I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
