Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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