I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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