you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
