So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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