he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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