Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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