oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
