I just cut my nipple shaving
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can you repeat that, but with context?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
