margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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