he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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