the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
