im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my poor anus
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
