why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
