Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
