New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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