we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
