I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
