I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
