coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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