The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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