So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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