i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
