Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
