it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
