My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
