Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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