At least make sure they are 18
Why
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
