She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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