you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
