Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I didn't notice because vodka
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
