So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
