Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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