I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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