Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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