i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
