Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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