the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
