drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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