WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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