the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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