i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
