Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
