You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
