sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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