Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
