I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
