toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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