I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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