Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
