i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He felt like a one man threesome
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
