A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
