Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
