Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
