She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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