what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
