dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
