There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
