Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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