don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
