I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
